Thursday, December 11, 2014

Expletives for Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks ?

"n for all that will want to prove me wrong,
fuck came from the Scots dialect meaning to hit...
am gaunnie fuck ye er the heid wey this boatle"
~ Billy Connolly

We may admire the self-deprecating yet perceptive wit of Abe Lincoln. Are provoke into laughter by the cracker-barrel ingenuity and witticism of Mark Twain. Awed by Oscar Wilde's laconic and economical use of words in his witty insults and clever comebacks. But not everyone has the cleverness or adroitness  to whip up a repartee at a moment's notice. 

Most of us have to make do with expletives for comebacks.

Why people use expletives for insults and comebacks

Not many people are expressive enough or have the vocabulary to be clever in their retorts and comebacks, so they use profanity or fill their rejoinder with expletives.

Some grew up with parents who could out-curse a Marine drill sergeant. I have a friend who learn to cuss while still on his mommy's knee. This does not mean we should encourage children to swear or use profanity. It might stunt their communication skills. Make them lazy; why go to all that effort of putting words together for witty comebacks when a simple "FUCK YOU!" will suffice.

How many future wits of the likes of Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain have been lost because of the careless use of profanity?

However, the use of expletive has no bearing on a person's level of intelligence. Swearing is not a sign of low intelligence. Everyone swears (At least in my circle of acquaintances). Is it an indication of a lack of breeding? (Sh*t...I dunno.)

"The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education, or of a lack of verbal interest, is just fucking lunatic". ~ Stephen Fry

It's not that we go out of our way to offend people,(well...maybe those @#&*! JERKS in government who continue to make a mess of the economy) but swearing is a great outlet for our frustrations.

Benefits of using expletives for other things beside insults and comebacks

• Quick way to end a boring conversation.

• Releases excessive hormonal activity at climatic moments. (OOoooh,.....use your fertile imagination.)

• More satisfying than crying over the blues when in a state of depression. (Like when your girl friend ditch you for your best friend.) Good to go with a couple of cold beer.

• Give fickle fate the dirty finger and send a strong message to the Big Bopper up in the sky to "FUCK OFF!" (Open fields are great but avoid mountains.The returning echoes allows God to have the last,...word)

• A chance to improve mind and mouth coordination over matter and mayhem (When you accidentally stubbed a toe or hit your thumb with a hammer)

• Helps with anger management problems. I use to kick and punch a gym bag but gave it up after developing calluses. Now I just yell expletives at the punching bag. Less wear and tear. Same results.

• For those who allowed their mental faculties to lag behind in pursuit of physical excellence (Jocks), Learn a few Latin expletives to confound the classroom nerd/genius (Quid rides vervex? Non optimus urbicus poeta!) and impress his quiet librarian girlfriend, who's really a hot chick without her glasses.

• Learn some foreign cuss words, they come in handy when you travel abroad. Practice d├ętente and contribute to bridging the communication gap between nations.The natives will look at you with renewed respect and give you better services.

Just remember that mothers are beloved everywhere in the world. Refrain from using expletives that refer to mothers (theirs in particular), to avoid getting punch in the face.

Proper use of expletive for insults and comebacks

• Singular expletive can be offensive, but sound funny when three or more are strung together in a sentence.

In lighthearted moments, a judiciously place expletive can intensify and make a joke funnier. Just make sure your utterances of expletive is not inconsistent with your surroundings. (like in a church lobby immediately after the service, with staid and straightlaced aunt Martha around.)

• If swearing have become a habit, replace the more offensive expletive with comical and amusing ones.

Instead of "What the f**k?", use "What the duck?"

"Kiss my puckered starfish" for "Kiss my ass"

And as a parting shot,

"May your underwear be curse with the fleas of a thousand camels" when you break off a relationship.

OK....there isn't a cuss word in this witty insult. Just replace the word "underwear" with one that also mean an upright tree or a deep gully surrounded by dense vegetation.(Need I paint you a picture?)

• There is a wide range of expletives that can be characterize from cute, silly, amusing to crude, risque, vulgar or pedestrian.

By all reckoning, the "F" word is probably the most versatile; it can be use for different moods and occasions

Surprise - "OH, f**k me!"
Aggression - " F**K YOU!"
Confusion - " What the f**k?"
Apathy - "Who gives a f**k!"
Suspicion - "Who the f**k are you?!"
Resignation - "Oh f**k it!"
Panic - "Lets get the f**k out of here!"
Denial - " I didn't f**king do it!"
Giving directions - "F**K OFF!"
Looking for directions - "Where the f**k am I?"


However, Overusing the "F**K" word can be tiresome. Try adding to your vocabulary of expletives.

Poetic outburst, perhaps? Like alliteration...."You furtive fat ferret filching f**king freak!

With a little tweaking, expletives can come in handy in witty insults and clever comebacks.

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