20 Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks From Famous People

Have you ever lost the power of human speech while being assaulted verbally by a loudmouth? 

Do you find yourself mumbling unintelligible monosyllabic words, awestruck by the overbearing presence of a prominent person? 

Or perhaps suffer in silent agony from the pontifical hooey of an annoying know it all?

THE BEST ADVICE IS TO STAY CLEAR OF THEM. UNFORTUNATELY THAT'S NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE.

Then why not parry the verbal abuse by responding with a quick, clever or humorous riposte?

Comebacks that have the pointed barb of sarcasm cloth in polite term. Like a riposte, a witty repartee parries an opponent's thrust and counterattacks with a conversation stopper. The perfect squelch to the boastfulness of a pompous fool, delivering a direct missile hit to the person's ego with devastating effect.

To bring about a quick resolution to an unwarranted confrontation, it is not necessary to step down to name calling or use profanity and obscene language. 

You can still insult and express contempt in a tactful and tasteful manner.

20 Witty Repartee and Brilliant Comebacks from Famous People

1. "You're a good example of why some animals eat their young" ~ Jim Samuels

2. "You're a parasite for sore eyes" ~ Gregory Ratoff

3. "Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?" ~ Milton Berle

4. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." ~ Irvin S. Cobb

5. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." ~ Mark Twain

6. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." ~ Stephen Bishop

7. "I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion."~ Robert Louis Stevenson

8. "He hasn't an enemy in the world, but all his friends hate him." ~ Eddie Cantor

9. "Sometimes I need what only you can provide; your absence." ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

10. "Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one."(George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill)
"Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second - if there is one." (Churchill's reply)

11. "Fine words! I wonder where you stole them." ~ Jonathan Swift

12. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."~(William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway)
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words" ~ (Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner)

13. "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." ~ Groucho Marx

14. "If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee." ( Lady Astor to Winston Churchill)
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it." (Churchill's reply)

15. "You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease." ( John Montague to John Wilkes)
"That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." (John Wilkes, in reply)

16. "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."~ Winston Churchill

17. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." ~ Forrest Tucker

18. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." ~ Billy Wilder

19. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." ~ Abraham Lincoln

20. "You have delighted us long enough" ~ Jane Austen

Witty Insults and clever comebacks, anyone?