25 Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks

Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone and couldn't think of something witty or clever as a rejoinder, so you say something feeble and lame.Maybe even ended up looking pathetic or feeling stupid? Then the next day it pops into your mind, the perfect repartee. "Ohhh...I wish I said that" you tell yourself, but too late.

It's called the "comeback", The witty repartee that insults with finesse. Another possible term could be the "perfect squelch". So the art could be called "squelchmanship" and the practitioner a "squelcher" :))

The wit or "squelcher" is the one who laughs best because he always has the last laugh with the cutting comebacks that never fail to leave his victims speechless behind a bright crimson blush. Haven't you ever CRUSHED someone beneath the insulting comeback of your last word? It felt good, didn't it?

We admire people whose witty repartee could stop a charging bull dead on it's tracks. Their insulting comeback, a sharp riposte dripping with sarcasm that evokes laughter and make the OTHER PERSON look stupid.

Naturally, the perfect wit or "squelcher" is a mythical beast, but all of us have the ability to be insultingly witty. It just need commitment on our part.

Successful use of the repartee or comeback requires a keen perception, a temperate nature not given to emotional outburst, the mental capacity to formulate suitable words and the verbal skills to employ them.


25 WITTY INSULTS AND CLEVER COMEBACKS WE WISH WE MADE OURSELVES

1. "If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you" 

2. "Is it time for your medication" 

3. "I'm not so good with the advice, can I interest you with a sarcastic comment" 

4. "Are those your eyeballs, I found them in my cleavage"

5. "The trouble with you is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech" 

6. "Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?"

7. "I wish we were better strangers" 

8. "I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable"

9. "I'll always cherish the original misconception I had about you"

10. "I see you're still working on your random intelligence" 

11. "It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor 

12. "Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice. 

13. "You never slow down to think, I guess it's too painful to spend time with your own thoughts"

14. "I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm,you were the quickest"

15. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter"

16. "Not everyone is annoying, some are dead"

17. "I could have been your dad but the dog beat me over the fence"

18. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away"

19. "There's a fine line between house-sitting and breaking into someone's home while they're on vacation and eating all their food"

20. "With your IQ, I don't think you would understand"

21. "Other than being disgusting,irritating,stupid and smelly, your actually quite okay"

22. "Your so funny you make people laugh at you"
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23. "I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time"

24. "If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive"

25. "Don't be humble, you're not that great."

NOTE: keep a collection of as many repartee, modifying them as the circumstance warrant. Then put them into use whenever an opportunity arises. With practice you can become the "wit" in any verbal tussle, instead of being at the end of another person's  witty insults and clever comebacks.