tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69856932781928761482024-03-13T04:16:04.095-07:00The Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks StudioIntelligent and Creative InsultsSilent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-19507043846774959442015-04-09T00:48:00.000-07:002015-04-09T00:48:45.725-07:0050 Insults on Stupidity and Stupid Annoying People<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qER_9sVFiSU/VSYne9u_MHI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/8b0QhWlqt0Q/s1600/Dumb_ass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qER_9sVFiSU/VSYne9u_MHI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/8b0QhWlqt0Q/s1600/Dumb_ass.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We often find ourselves confronted with people who exasperate our patience with their asinine thoughts as well as having to pay for the cost of their stupidity. It is natural in these circumstances of wanting to contort their necks out of shape and/or gouge out their eyes. But if you were like me who abhor violence, then perhaps these insults on stupidity and stupid annoying people might come in handy. </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>If only to release our frustration.</i></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">50 Insults on Stupidity and Stupid Annoying People</span></b></h2>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wKkDbveAj08/VSYosrrEBKI/AAAAAAAAARE/gMIwB-ebgu8/s1600/witty%2Binsults%2Bfor%2Bstupid%2Bpeople.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wKkDbveAj08/VSYosrrEBKI/AAAAAAAAARE/gMIwB-ebgu8/s1600/witty%2Binsults%2Bfor%2Bstupid%2Bpeople.jpg" height="320" width="233" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. He's so stupid he tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. He's so stupid he tried drowning a fish.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. It's not difficult to define "stupidity". YOU make it easy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. To call you "stupid" is not insulting enough...you are beyond stupid.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Do you know how old I am? Oh wait, I forgot you don't know how to count!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">6. STUPID is spelled Y-O-U.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">7. Do you want to see something stupid? Get a mirror.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">8. I have never seen a finer specimen of stupidity...until I met you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">9. I would question your intelligence...if you had any.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">10. Wise words...for an idiot at least.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">11. With just one more brain, what a halfwit you'd be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">12. If stupidity was a disease, you would be dead right now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">13. No wonder you're unaware of your stupidity...it's on autopilot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">14. How can anyone be so stupid? Easy...if they were you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">15. An ant has more brain cells than you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">16. If you want to appear intelligent, all you have to do is close your mouth.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">17. You're not a complete idiot...some parts are missing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">18. I disagree when people call you "stupid"..."idiot" is more appropriate.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">19. If stupidity was a virus, you would be an epidemic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">20. A horse's ass looks more intelligent than you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">21. Excuse me, but your village is looking for you. They want their idiot back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">22. If only I.Q. meant "idiot quotient", you would be in the genius level.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">23. He's so stupid he tried stealing a free sample.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">24. He's so stupid he called 911 on the microwave when the house was on fire.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">25. To enjoy your company, one needs a lower IQ.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">26. Your diet seems to be working. Only problem is it move the fat off your ass and into your head.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">27. He's so stupid he bought athlete's foot powder to make him run faster.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">28. "A penny for your thoughts"? Ha! I'd still get back some change.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">29. Is that your brain farting?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">30. You would look less stupid if your face is where your butt is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">31. If someone were to smack you hard that your eyes roll back into your head, you'd see no brain there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">32. I heard you had a brain transplant and the brain rejected you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">33. The only way someone can see your point of view is if they shove their head far up their ass.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">34. Sorry, but the stream of stupidity coming from your mouth is making it diffficult to understand you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">35. No wonder your brain isn't working...your seating on it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">36. Your brain has "Neanderthal" written all over it....soon to be extinct.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">37. If your brain was ever donated to science, They would find the missing link of Darwin's theory of evolution.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">38. Then again, a Chimpanzee may have more gray matter between it's ears than you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">39. I would call you a "Dumb Ass" but that would be insulting to Donkeys.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">40. Adam & Eve ate from the tree of knowledge. You must be the fruit pits they spat out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">41. Have you ever notice that when your mouth moves your brain stops working?</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">42. Have you tried exorcism? You seem "possessed" by stupidity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">43. Just keep talking and maybe one day something intelligent will come out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">44. A witty insult or clever comeback would be wasted on you. You wouldn't understand it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">45. If there was a light switch in our brains, your's would be dimmers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">46. “I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.” ― Christopher Moore</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">47. “I swear, talking to you is like talking to a really good-looking and mildly stupid brick wall.” ― Derek Landy</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">48. “If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” ― Muhammad Ali</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">49. “He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.” ― Groucho Marx</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">50. Everyone is entitled to be stupid (occasionally), but you're abusing the privilege.</span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_VOT0sbC9BU/VSYqVesW6xI/AAAAAAAAARQ/pv5b5SHKZGs/s1600/insults%2Bfor%2Bjack%2Bass%2Band%2Bannoying%2Bpeople.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_VOT0sbC9BU/VSYqVesW6xI/AAAAAAAAARQ/pv5b5SHKZGs/s1600/insults%2Bfor%2Bjack%2Bass%2Band%2Bannoying%2Bpeople.jpg" height="338" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Any clever comebacks to stupidity and witty insults for stupid annoying people?</span></div>
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-27518808617501735212015-02-22T16:38:00.000-08:002015-02-22T20:09:14.130-08:0010 witty insults and clever comebacks for various occasions<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How often have confrontational situation occur where in you were tempted to use expletives?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Instead, rise to the occasion and use witty insults or clever comebacks. Here are some examples:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">1. Clever comeback to a reckless driver</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oEiMbN4-i2k/VOpgEZWqYrI/AAAAAAAAAM0/9-Oy-dUHUSc/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Breckless%2Bdriver.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oEiMbN4-i2k/VOpgEZWqYrI/AAAAAAAAAM0/9-Oy-dUHUSc/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Breckless%2Bdriver.png" height="293" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A police officer was explaining to the indignant matron behind the wheels why he stopped her vehicle. <i>"Ma'am, you ignored a stop sign, wandered over the opposite lane three times, and made an illegal left turn.</i>" </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As he wrote the ticket he listened politely to the woman's uninterrupted protest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"The trouble with you policemen,"</i> she concluded bitterly, "<i>is you spend all your time picking on responsible citizens. Why don't you go catch drunk drivers for a change?"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Ma'am, I thought I had one."</i> was the soft reply.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">2. Witty insult to a conversation bore</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1vB8dDJwFjY/VOpg5KnGckI/AAAAAAAAAM8/wnyIilomC2Y/s1600/Witty%2Binsult%2Bto%2Ba%2Bconversation%2Bbore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1vB8dDJwFjY/VOpg5KnGckI/AAAAAAAAAM8/wnyIilomC2Y/s1600/Witty%2Binsult%2Bto%2Ba%2Bconversation%2Bbore.jpg" height="246" width="400" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">At a dinner party, David T. E. Dious who had recently acquired a small craft kept the conversation steadily on the subject of boating even though it was obvious no one else was interested. After boring his listeners with countless port and starboard, fore and aft details, David launched into the joys of boating. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Just name one popular resort on the water," </i>he said finally, <i>"where you wouldn't have a lot more fun with a boat."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In the bored silence that followed, one weary listener ventured, <i>"Niagara Falls?"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">3. Clever comeback to a swellheaded artist</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oFrQQMdYoX0/VOpiM0M4KeI/AAAAAAAAANI/TCDuvFDt1IQ/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2BSwellheaded%2Bartist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oFrQQMdYoX0/VOpiM0M4KeI/AAAAAAAAANI/TCDuvFDt1IQ/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2BSwellheaded%2Bartist.jpg" height="183" width="200" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Vincent Vain Gott, a young aspiring painter suddenly found his paintings enjoy a flurry of popularity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Overnight, his exaggerated opinion of himself inflated his ego and he promptly develop a lofty air.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Visiting a photo exhibit of Tom, a top photographer with a long list of awards to his credit, Vincent was unimpressed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Hmmm, not bad...</i>" he remarked casually to Tom. <i>"You must had a good camera."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Unruffled the photographer kept his cool. <i>"Thank you. I like your paintings too." </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">After a brief pause Tom added, <i>"You must have a fine set of brushes."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">4. Witty insult to a know-it-all<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4EraK-u2scs/VOppJ-h4myI/AAAAAAAAAOI/9A6Bxv1GgQg/s1600/Witty%2Binsult%2Bto%2Ba%2Bconversation%2Bbore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4EraK-u2scs/VOppJ-h4myI/AAAAAAAAAOI/9A6Bxv1GgQg/s1600/Witty%2Binsult%2Bto%2Ba%2Bconversation%2Bbore.jpg" height="295" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">A.S.Fartsworth fancied himself an expert in international affairs and global politics. Hogging the conversation he would give his opinionated analysis and offer inane solutions to every world problem.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On one such occasion, Fartsworth was unfazed by the fact that among his audience was a foreign correspondent recently return from one of his many assignments abroad.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">After voicing another one of his lengthy and vague statements he turn to the globe trotting reporter. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Well, what is your opinion of MY analysis on the subject?"</i> he demanded.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"I'd rather not say,"</i> the veteran journalist replied in all seriousness. <i>"One intelligent remark could blow the whole conversation."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">5. Clever comeback to a bully</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T67i_nkCAKM/VOpkNCGYbLI/AAAAAAAAANk/lsJ9Sv6Lacg/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Bbully.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-T67i_nkCAKM/VOpkNCGYbLI/AAAAAAAAANk/lsJ9Sv6Lacg/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Bbully.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Moving into the new neighborhood, eight year old Johnny quickly establish himself as a bully. Unless he had his way, he would pummel and kick the other kids at the slightest provocation. Soon the other children avoided and no longer wanted to play with him.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Ignoring the numerous complains from mothers of the battered children, Johnny's own mother wondered why her son had become a social outcast. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Children in this neighborhood must be awful little snobs," </i>she remarked to one of the mother of his son's victim. <i>"Johnny had friends where we use to live, I can't understand why he does not have a single one here."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>Perhaps,"</i> the other mother coolly replied<i> "it's because children around here seem to bruise so easily."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">6. Witty insult to a mad golfer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Fred Blowafuse was not only the world's worst golfer, he was also the most ill-tempered. His caddies took the brunt of his outburst.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On a particular bad day, Fred continually complain loudly to his golfing partners that the youngster serving as his caddie wasn't worth his pay, much less a tip.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Studying a long par three hole with a water trap in front, Fred eyed his assorted clubs then snapped at the caddie <i>"Boy! what should I use on this hole?"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"An old ball, sir." </i>was the young caddie's quick reply.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">7. Clever comeback to a condescending tourist</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jLU6PMFbwZI/VOppuVOT1TI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/OtIJq8FeDSc/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Bcondescending%2BAmerican%2Btourist.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-jLU6PMFbwZI/VOppuVOT1TI/AAAAAAAAAOQ/OtIJq8FeDSc/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Bcondescending%2BAmerican%2Btourist.png" height="320" width="266" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The tour group stopped for lunch at a quaint restaurant after leaving Texas and entering Mexico. They sat in embarrassed silence as their fellow Texan tourist, Mr.Fussbie scan and criticize each of the dish on the menu. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The waiter did his best to be polite until Mr. Fussbie derisively inquired, <i>"Waiter, are these American or Mexican Quails?"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The Mexican waiter who spoke perfect English sighed, <i>"We don't know sir, they tend to fly back and forth across the border."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">8. Witty insult to a corrupt politician</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Despite his unsavory track record, B.S."sly" Barker decided to ran for re-election as mayor. A crafty politician, he took every opportunity to present himself as a champion and defender of the people's right to good government.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Knocking on the door of a little old lady who was aware of his political dishonesty, he concluded his spiel by saying "<i>And so, you must vote for me, and vote for good government."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>Do you mean to tell me," </i>she ask innocently <i>"that I should vote twice? "</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">9. Clever comeback to a lazy office bum<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L_GOdkIBuD8/VOpx2S7LFpI/AAAAAAAAAOo/qabXesqqA00/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Blazy%2Boffice%2Bbum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L_GOdkIBuD8/VOpx2S7LFpI/AAAAAAAAAOo/qabXesqqA00/s1600/Clever%2Bcomeback%2Bto%2Ba%2Blazy%2Boffice%2Bbum.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If his boss wasn't his uncle, Oswald Goofoff would have been fired a long time ago.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Doing practically nothing, he would take long coffee breaks, surf the internet and chat on line. He also enjoyed wandering around the office and criticizing the work of others.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Oswald pounce one day on Harvey, a hardworking employee for making a minor error, bellowing loudly as if the mistake would push the firm into bankruptcy. Harvey quietly kept on working while Oswald huff and puff about slipshod work, carelessness and lack of attention to details.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Why in all the time I've been here, I haven't made a single mistake in my work.</i>" He finally boasted <i>"How do you explain that?"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Looking up from his desk, Harvey replied without hesitation <i>"Lack of opportunity".</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">10. Witty insult to a "macho-man" braggart</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-42IDuYmGQsA/VOpw-qlqYII/AAAAAAAAAOg/e-n6_uv_vAU/s1600/Witty%2Binsult%2Bto%2Ba%2Bmacho-man%2Bbraggart.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-42IDuYmGQsA/VOpw-qlqYII/AAAAAAAAAOg/e-n6_uv_vAU/s1600/Witty%2Binsult%2Bto%2Ba%2Bmacho-man%2Bbraggart.png" height="200" width="144" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Boasting of his sons, Sam Braggley twitted Hubert constantly about his all-girls family. "You should put pink frills on your front door and a woman sign on your bathroom."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So when Hubert's fifth newborn turn out to be another daughter, Sam thought it hilarious.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In a large gathering Sam laughingly invited Hubert to his home,<i> "To see what boys look like." </i>He also commented on the other's inability to beget a son.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Well,"</i> Hubert replied<i> "when the good Lord looks down and see that a home needs a man, I guess he sends one."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">WITTY INSULTS AND CLEVER COMEBACKS ANYONE?</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The difference between a rejoinder expressed in<a href="http://wittyinsultsclevercombacks.blogspot.com/2014/12/expletives-for-witty-insults-and-clever.html"> profanity </a>and a repartee is that the first is like a crude assault by a battering ram while a witty insult or clever comeback can be compared to the foil of a fencing master; agile, nimble and elegant.</span><br />
<br />Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-51093405545647667922015-01-17T17:06:00.000-08:002015-02-23T17:30:24.687-08:00The Wit and Humor of Abraham Lincoln<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>Wit laughs at everybody, humor laughs with everybody.</i>"~</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J06jRceSdBw/VLsFPwKuPBI/AAAAAAAAALo/Z0rkB5wcNs0/s1600/witty%2Bhumor%2Bof%2Babraham%2Blincoln.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-J06jRceSdBw/VLsFPwKuPBI/AAAAAAAAALo/Z0rkB5wcNs0/s1600/witty%2Bhumor%2Bof%2Babraham%2Blincoln.jpg" height="320" width="242" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Abraham Lincoln</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">16th U.S. President, civil rights activist, self-educated lawyer, orator, storyteller par excellence.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Many a White House visitor was put at ease by the President's good humor and yarn spinning.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>I really think that Mr. Lincoln's propensity for story-telling has been exaggerated by his enemies. I had once the honor of conversing with him, or rather of hearing him converse, for several minutes, and in all that time he only told four little stories." </i>~ Sarah Jane Lippincott</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Abraham Lincoln was a prodigious reader and fond of collecting stories and anecdotes.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A cabinet member recalls how the president once held up the reception line at a White House affair, in order to ask a guest to repeat an anecdote that he had told the president earlier. Lincoln apparently had forgotten some points of the story.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lincoln would use anecdotes and humorous stories drawn from all classes of society to get across a point. No matter how complicated the subject matter was, people were able to see and realize the rationale of his argument through the simplicity of storytelling.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He also found solace in story telling. It seem to ease the burden of the presidency, especially the intense responsibility he felt for the issue of the civil war and the lives that were lost.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Abe Lincoln had a talent for spotting the ludicrous and humorous side in anything and everything.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A committee of sanctimonious war managers demanded General Grant's removal on the charge that he imbibe too much whiskey and was no better than a common drunkard. President Lincoln came to the defense of his successful general.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Ah! You surprise me, gentlemen. But can you tell me where he gets his whiskey?"</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"We cannot, Mr. President. But why do you wish to know?"</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Because I would like to send a barrel of this wonderful whiskey to every general in the army."</i> the president answered.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lincoln narrated this story in a light dig at the contentious and noisy critics to his handling of the civil war</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>A frontiersman found himself lost in an uninhabited region on a dark stormy night. Accompanying the torrents of rain were lightnings and more terrible thunder. A bolt of lightning struck a nearby tree, causing the man to get down on his knees. Although not the church going kind, his appeal was short and to the point. "Oh, good Lord, if it's all the same to you, give us a little more light, and less noise."</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(I would have love to see how today's crop of politicians fare at the foil tip of Abraham Lincoln's witty insults and clever comebacks.:)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">The most trivial circumstance provided the background for his witty repartee.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A fellow lawyer, W.H. Lamon got into a scuffle that cause a large tear in the rear of his trousers. Unfortunately he had no time to change as he was due in court to take up a case. Because he had on a short coat, his misfortune was apparent. As a joke, other lawyers inside the courthouse started passing a subscription paper to buy a pair of pants for Lamon, -"He being a poor but worthy young man" the paper read. Several put down their names with almost ridiculous amount of donation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Finally it reach Lincoln, who quietly glance over the paper.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Taking up his pen, wrote after his name, " <i>I can contribute nothing to the end in view."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Abraham Lincoln was not handsome. Some would even say he had an ugly face. But he had a self-effacing nature that didn't hesitate to poke fun even at himself. During a heated debate, Lincoln was accused of being two-faced by an obviously hostile opponent. Without insulting the other man, he manage to defend himself and defuse the tension. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Turning calmly to the crowd, Lincoln replied:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one?"</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Abraham Lincoln is among the most admire and revered U.S. presidents. He is the quintessence of what is noble in man. His wit and homespun humor added to that mystique.</span><br />
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-12353311180418594092015-01-13T06:41:00.000-08:002015-02-23T17:33:40.677-08:00How to Insult a Cheapskate with a Clever Comeback<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>During summer school breaks, Jimmy the youngest son of a friend made the rounds in our neighborhood doing odd jobs to earn some extra cash.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Among our neighbors was a cheapskate I'll hide under the name Mr. Tightwaddle. People generally avoided doing business with him because he always drive a hard bargain and they often get the short end of the deal.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Espying Jimmy one early morning, the neighborhood cheapskate called out to the young boy to ask him to do some car washing chore. Well aware of the other person's stinginess, Jimmy reluctantly walk up to the neighbor's driveway while trying to think of a way out of his predicament. </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>He studied the dilapidated and collision battered car but made no move.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>"Well go to it then"</i> the owner prodded. <i>"You do know how to wash a car, don't you?"</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: center;"><i style="font-size: x-large;"><b>"Yes sir!"</b></i><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;"> There was a short pause then Jimmy's clever comeback, </span><i style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">"</span><span style="font-size: large;">but I don't know how to iron one."</span></i></span><br />
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-79013171661128380872015-01-08T05:04:00.000-08:002015-02-23T17:36:14.934-08:00A Clever "Anting-anting" Comeback to a military officer<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A joke goes that Floyd Mayweather is afraid to fight boxing legend Manny Pacquiao because he heard Manny posses a powerful "Anting-anting" It is the Filipino word for amulet. It gives the owner great strength and invincibility. Even bullets supposedly can't penetrate the body an anting-anting possesor.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This isn't about Manny Pacquiao but my brother-in-law.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When the U.S. still had military bases in the Philippines, war games were often conducted near the provincial town where Orly, my brother-in-law lives. Sometimes the American soldiers would hire local civilians to act as insurgents in their mock wars. The ammunition are similar to those use in paint ball guns that put a marker on the body when hit. Orly would enlist for these "wars" because it was fun and the pay was good. Of course the natives would always lose because they were the bad guys and the Americans were badass Marines.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">On one of these military maneuvers, my brother-in-law got "shot". </span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Rules of engagement require the casualties to remain in place where they got hit. Unfortunately, something Orly ate earlier didn't quite agree with him and he was having stomach trouble. Try as he might he couldn't contain his uneasiness nor the grumbling inside him. Finally he got up and started running away from the area. A military observer notice this and yelled after my brother-in-law.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>HEY MAN, YOU SUPPOSE TO BE DEAD!"</i></span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>NO MAN, I HAVE ANTING-ANTING!</i>" Orly yelled back as he continue running towards the nearest nature-provided toilet (behind some bushes).</span></b>Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-9059021189709461642014-12-28T16:48:00.000-08:002015-02-23T17:38:20.120-08:00Get in Line or Get Insults From a Witty Shopper<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6QOgyhytsiA/VKCkJfpidYI/AAAAAAAAALo/JbLLv6qrm0o/s1600/How%2Bto%2Binsult%2Ba%2Brude%2Bshopper.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-6QOgyhytsiA/VKCkJfpidYI/AAAAAAAAALo/JbLLv6qrm0o/s1600/How%2Bto%2Binsult%2Ba%2Brude%2Bshopper.png" height="272" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A middle age woman was pushing her shopping cart through the supermarket with a wild abandonment that would have merit a traffic ticket for reckless driving had she been on the highway.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mrs. Oberrush race towards the check out counter, brushing against or bumping other customers on the way. Then without giving it a second thought she deftly maneuver her heavily laden cart ahead of a man already in line.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sensing his annoyance, she self-righteously turn to the man to explain, <i>"I'm doing the shopping for a sick old lady."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Go right ahead then"</i> the man replied, "<i>and let me wish you a speedy recovery."</i></span>Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-49911211888897324482014-12-22T19:18:00.000-08:002015-02-23T17:39:58.294-08:00Witty Repartee with a MOO Comeback<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Mrs. Vandersnoot having recently inherited wealth, wasted no time in advertising it and flaunting her new stature in life.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Entering a chic boutique one day to shop for a leather jacket, it took her almost an hour to select the item and another thirty minutes fussing over the tiniest details and loudly expressing her doubts about it's quality.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>Are you sure this leather will wear well?</i>" she haughtily ask the elderly clerk who was as impatient as the other customers waiting to be serve. "<i>It won't stretch will it?</i>" Mrs. Vandersnoot continued her grandstanding, "...<i>or crack and give way?</i>" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Madam," the clerk raise an eyebrow, "<i><b>that leather once held a cow together."</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><b><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--90tZM77Wzc/VJjdprX-I3I/AAAAAAAAALo/8eIrN-QIR_Y/s1600/clever%2Bcomeback%2Bmoo.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--90tZM77Wzc/VJjdprX-I3I/AAAAAAAAALo/8eIrN-QIR_Y/s1600/clever%2Bcomeback%2Bmoo.png" height="320" width="227" /></a></b></i></span></div>
Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-4668717944739189692014-12-15T16:35:00.000-08:002015-02-23T17:53:17.878-08:00Pinoy Witty Humor & Clever Comebacks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Foreigners visiting the Philippines are often astounded by the Filipino's sense of humor. Even in the midst of extreme poverty, laughter still abound and a complete stranger is often greeted with a ready smile rather than suspicion. We also have the knack for finding humor in a tragic or calamitous event. One can either say the Filipino has a weird sense of humor or is a natural-born "wit".</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here are two examples of Pinoy (Filipino) humor translated into English.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>SUICIDE IS PAINLESS</b></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Two college students, Juan and Pedro were roommates at a boarding house near their school. One bright sunny morning Pedro met a beautiful girl. They fell in love and like some love stories it ended tragically. His girlfriend found another man and dumped Pedro.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">One sad dreary day, Juan unexpectedly found Pedro trying to hang himself inside the room they shared.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Juan: <i>"Pedro! What are you doing?"</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pedro: <i>"My girlfriend broke up with me."</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Hu-hu-hu-hu"</i> Pedro started crying inconsolably</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Juan: <i>"Yes I know, but what are you DOING!?"</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pedro: <i>"I'm trying to commit suicide"</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Juan: <i>"OH! But why is the noose around your ankles?"</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Pedro: <i>"I tried putting it around my neck...but I had a hard time breathing."</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>-------------------------------------------------------<br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b><b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">THIS MEANS I AM PRESENT</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This teacher was very fond of playing truant during class hours.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her students waited patiently for her inside the classroom. Except for her handbag on the teacher's table, she was nowhere to be seen.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">After 15 minutes, her students started filing out of the classroom.</span></b><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The teacher was fuming mad the following day.</span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Didn't you see my handbag on my desk? THAT MEANS I'M PRESENT!"</i></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The next day the teacher arrive to a classroom full of bags but no students.</span></b>Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-55164099992425048852014-12-13T17:17:00.000-08:002015-02-23T17:56:50.875-08:00The Wit of Groucho Marx<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i><b>Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you"</b></i></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">People seem to like being insulted by Groucho, and he had the knack to dish it out.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx was an American film star and comedian famous for his quick wit and rapid fire delivery of maliciously laced spiels. Outside the movie studios his impromptu antics often found friends at the end of his witty comebacks and insulting repartee, much to their public embarrassment. Even his family was not spared.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Often diverting from the written script, Groucho was known as a loose cannon and notorious for saying almost anything that came to mind. At a show hosted by Bob Hope, he decided again to ignore the script. Although a formidable ad-libber himself, Bob Hope could not keep up with Groucho's barrage of improvise jokes.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">To an annoying woman he said, <i><b>''I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.''</b></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A wealthy lady once pulled up in a car and endeavored to persuade the gardener to come work for her. Unknown to her, the "gardener" was Groucho dressed in a well worn out attire. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"How much does the lady of the house pay you?" She ask.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<b><i>Oh, I don't get paid in dollars," </i></b>not bothering to look up from his work Groucho replied, <b><i>"the lady of the house just lets me sleep with her."</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then there is the urban legend that has been going around. The story goes that among the many interviewed by Groucho Marx for the show "You bet your life" was a certain contestant, who claimed to have given birth to nine children. (some say 17, others 22)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"I love my husband " was her way of explaining the reason.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>"I love my cigar too," </i></b>Groucho replied, <b><i>"but I take it out once in a while."</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Although he didn't believe in the occult, Groucho Marx was once persuaded into attending a seance. He sat in respectful silence while the Swami stared into a crystal ball, brought forth the departed souls from the beyond and answered queries from the seance participant in an eerie monotone.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">After a long spell of indistinct enunciation, the sorcerer finally intoned, "My medium is growing tired. There is only time for one more question."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Without a moments hesitation Groucho riposte, <b><i>"Ask it what the capital of North Dakota is?"</i></b></span><br />
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-57349367392991162712014-12-11T17:39:00.001-08:002015-02-23T17:59:12.507-08:00Expletives for Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks ?<br />
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<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<b>n for all that will want to prove me wrong,</b></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>fuck came from the Scots dialect meaning to hit...</b></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>am gaunnie fuck ye er the heid wey this boatle"</b></span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">~ Billy Connolly</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We may admire the self-deprecating yet perceptive wit of Abe Lincoln. Are provoke into laughter by the cracker-barrel ingenuity and witticism of Mark Twain. Awed by Oscar Wilde's laconic and economical use of words in his witty insults and clever comebacks. But not everyone has the cleverness or adroitness to whip up a repartee at a moment's notice. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Most of us have to make do with expletives for comebacks.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Why people use expletives for insults and comebacks</span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Not many people are expressive enough or have the vocabulary to be clever in their retorts and comebacks, so they use profanity or fill their rejoinder with expletives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Some grew up with parents who could out-curse a Marine drill sergeant. I have a friend who learn to cuss while still on his mommy's knee. This does not mean we should encourage children to swear or use profanity. It might stunt their communication skills. Make them lazy; why go to all that effort of putting words together for witty comebacks when a simple "FUCK YOU!" will suffice.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">How many future wits of the likes of Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain have been lost because of the careless use of profanity?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, the use of expletive has no bearing on a person's level of intelligence. Swearing is not a sign of low intelligence. Everyone swears (At least in my circle of acquaintances). Is it an indication of a lack of breeding? (Sh*t...I dunno.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i><b>The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education, or of a lack of verbal interest, is just fucking lunatic"</b></i>. ~ Stephen Fry</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's not that we go out of our way to offend people,(well...maybe those @#&*! JERKS in government who continue to make a mess of the economy) but swearing is a great outlet for our frustrations.</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: xx-large;">Benefits of using expletives for other things beside insults and comebacks</b></h3>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">• Quick way to end a boring conversation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• Releases excessive hormonal activity at climatic moments. (OOoooh,.....use your fertile imagination.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• More satisfying than crying over the blues when in a state of depression. (Like when your girl friend ditch you for your best friend.) Good to go with a couple of cold beer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• Give fickle fate the dirty finger and send a strong message to the Big Bopper up in the sky to "FUCK OFF!" (Open fields are great but avoid mountains.The returning echoes allows God to have the last expletive..er,...word)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• A chance to improve mind and mouth coordination over matter and mayhem (When you accidentally stubbed a toe or hit your thumb with a hammer)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• Helps with anger management problems. I use to kick and punch a gym bag but gave it up after developing calluses. Now I just yell expletives at the punching bag. Less wear and tear. Same results.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• For those who allowed their mental faculties to lag behind in pursuit of physical excellence (Jocks), Learn a few Latin expletives to confound the classroom nerd/genius (<b><i>Quid rides vervex? Non optimus urbicus poeta!</i>)</b> and impress his quiet librarian girlfriend, who's really a hot chick without her glasses.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• Learn some foreign cuss words, they come in handy when you travel abroad. Practice détente and contribute to bridging the communication gap between nations.The natives will look at you with renewed respect and give you better services.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Just remember that mothers are beloved everywhere in the world. Refrain from using expletives that refer to mothers (theirs in particular), to avoid getting punch in the face.</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: xx-large;">Proper use of expletive for insults and comebacks</b></h3>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• Singular expletive can be offensive, but sound funny when three or more are strung together in a sentence.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In lighthearted moments, a judiciously place expletive can intensify and make a joke funnier. Just make sure your utterances of expletive is not inconsistent with your surroundings. (like in a church lobby immediately after the service, with staid and straightlaced aunt Martha around.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• If swearing have become a habit, replace the more offensive expletive with comical and amusing ones.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Instead of "What the f**k?", use "What the duck?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Kiss my puckered starfish" for "Kiss my ass"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">And as a parting shot,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i><b>May your underwear be curse with the fleas of a thousand camels</b></i>" when you break off a relationship.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">OK....there isn't a cuss word in this witty insult. Just replace the word "underwear" with one that also mean an upright tree or a deep gully surrounded by dense vegetation.(Need I paint you a picture?)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">• There is a wide range of expletives that can be characterize from cute, silly, amusing to crude, risque, vulgar or pedestrian.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">By all reckoning, the "F" word is probably the most versatile; it can be use for different moods and occasions</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Surprise</b> - "OH, f**k me!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Aggression</b> - " F**K YOU!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Confusion</b> - " What the f**k?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Apathy</b> - "Who gives a f**k!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Suspicion</b> - "Who the f**k are you?!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Resignation</b> - "Oh f**k it!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Panic</b> - "Lets get the f**k out of here!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Denial</b> - " I didn't f**king do it!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Giving directions</b> - "F**K OFF!"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Looking for directions</b> - "Where the f**k am I?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">..etc...etc...etc.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, Overusing the "F**K" word can be tiresome. Try adding to your vocabulary of expletives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Poetic outburst, perhaps? Like alliteration...."You furtive fat ferret filching f**king freak!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">With a little tweaking, expletives can come in handy in </span><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">witty insults and clever comebacks</span></b><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></span>Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-9157318868621412322014-12-09T16:55:00.000-08:002015-02-23T18:34:22.200-08:00Squelch a Witty Insult or Clever Comeback...Play Dumb<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UvfJGm403aw/VIePzUYSRzI/AAAAAAAAAGw/0C3pILnEnos/s1600/witty%2Binsults%2Band%2Bclever%2Bcomebacks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">There are two types of people who use witty insults and clever comebacks. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Those who do it for fun and are looking for some laughs (at your expense), be a good sport and play along but set the limit (or riposte back with your own repartee). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Then there are those who do it because they are always in a foul mood, the bad-tempered GROUCH...AVOID THEM.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Another way to deal with insulting comebacks is to fake stupidity, play "dumb". It takes the fun away from the sarcasm if you refuse to acknowledge it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">From the fashionable elite to yokels in the boondocks, lowbrow philistine to intellectual highbrows, snobs and rude manners cut across the socioeconomic boundaries. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They are everywhere! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Be PREPARED...Learn the art of the repartee. Be CREATIVE in your INSULTS and COMEBACKS. :)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YtAQf2J0vn8/VIeT1skB_-I/AAAAAAAAALo/9MuXkC2lEY4/s1600/stupid%2Bface.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YtAQf2J0vn8/VIeT1skB_-I/AAAAAAAAALo/9MuXkC2lEY4/s1600/stupid%2Bface.jpg" height="310" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Smarter than given credit for<br /></td></tr>
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</span>Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-12728383505518548542014-12-05T17:48:00.000-08:002015-02-23T18:30:22.587-08:00Are you MAL-educated? (Insulting a Mad Dog)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pNPvQdLP-do/VIJcWDPDWDI/AAAAAAAAALo/a6IMowNES8c/s1600/Insulting%2Ba%2Bmad%2Bdog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pNPvQdLP-do/VIJcWDPDWDI/AAAAAAAAALo/a6IMowNES8c/s1600/Insulting%2Ba%2Bmad%2Bdog.jpg" height="288" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A not so friendly on-line discussion between a college professor and a college dropout(Me)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It started innocently enough. I made a comment on an article published on-line. The article was about the reason why a woman would engage in prostitution. Promiscuity cause by low self esteem was the premise put forward. The author, a college professor use her survey of a low income and depressed area where honky-tonk bars and karaoke-beer houses proliferated. I will not mention her statistics other than to say I believe the number of people surveyed woefully inadequate to be able to come up with a credible conclusion.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">My comment focus on other possibilities of why a woman might turn to prostitution like poverty and the social environment she happen to grow up in. Unfortunately the professor took offense and her reply had the aggressiveness of a pack of attack dogs. Thinking she may have misunderstood my comment, I responded with_</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Nowhere in my comment do I excuse, overlook, or make allowances for prostitution; either the selling of one's body or principles. My statement "I don't think it fair to equate prostitution with promiscuity" and "...poverty and the necessity for survival would be the main reason for turning to prostitution." are reasonable and in no way suggest that I am trying to prove I am better inform than you nor pick a fight..."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This further infuriated the college professor and she replied_</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Don't try to prove to me that you are a better person just because you are from the so-called developed countries (She overlook the fact that I am also from the Philippines). Your racism is as ignorant and rampant like most of your MAL-EDUCATED and highly opinionated street masses. I don't want to attack people but if you want a fight then I am ON."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Perhaps I was bored or had nothing better to do at that time. I had no desire to pick a fight (the prudent thing to do was to stop further comments on my part) but finding the humor in the situation, I decided that I too was "ON".</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, I was careful not to attack her person but only to put up arguments against the fallacy of her reasoning. As the comments flew back and forth I could visualize the college professor's face turning purple with anger, since her responds became more blusterous...like the winds of Patagonia. Then she turn really personal and started attacking my ancestry as well as my educational attainment. She also boasted of her allege (since I have no way of verifying this) achievement in the academe and derided my lowly educational background.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Finally tiring of the cat and mouse game (I was the mouse annoying the cat) I decided to end it and wrote "I had hope for a constructive discussion or exchange of ideas and insight through these comments, sadly I must look elsewhere." I also took note of her fondness for using the word "MAL-EDUCATED" which often preceded her diatribe against me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Because I didn't finish college and was therefore less educated (according to her standards), I took the precaution of looking up the word in my dog-earred Webster dictionary, in case I have been hibernating in a cave or under a rock when the word was introduce. I came to realize that it must have been her anglicized term for her usage of "mal-edukada", her pidgin Spanish expletive as she berated her students in class. "Mga wala kayong pinagaralan! mga MAL-EDUKADA KAYO!"(You are all uneducated, you are all UNCIVILIZED!) I imagine she would scold them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">As a parting shot and comeback I politely ask her if she could point me to the latest English dictionary which contain the word "MAL-EDUCATED" since my ancient edition only contain the word "uneducated" to denote a lack of knowledge, a person who is unlettered or illiterate. Perhaps realizing her error, ALL my comments were summarily deleted although her responds to them remain in the comment section. Which is kind of funny considering it would appear she was replying to no one. (I was the only one dumb enough to read her rubbish and comment on her article.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">To all stuck-up intellectual/literary snobs, please spell-check your articles first because some MAL-EDUCATED person like me might just take you "ON" :-). I also want to take this opportunity to thank the college professor for providing me with a new expletive, which I have been using with great relish whenever I have an argument with my spouse. I would riposte, "You..you're nothing but a MAL-EDUCATED PERSON!!" We would both burst out laughing ...and that ended our quarrel.</span><br />
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-37086593972938781362014-12-02T16:01:00.000-08:002015-02-23T18:36:55.581-08:00Witty Insult and Clever Comeback Using Condoms<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fVMRvxmS-xY/VI-QtViVIfI/AAAAAAAAALo/EZTghMEs08c/s1600/witty%2Binsults.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fVMRvxmS-xY/VI-QtViVIfI/AAAAAAAAALo/EZTghMEs08c/s1600/witty%2Binsults.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">During the cold war era, in pursuit of their propaganda efforts to prove their superiority over the Americans in every aspect of society, the Russian State Security Agency or KGB contracted an American firm to manufacture ten million over-sized condoms. These prophylactics were obviously larger and beyond the size of any normal man. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Not to be outdone, the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) of the U.S. instructed the company to make one alteration before shipping the condoms to the former U.S.S.R., In each of the condom packet was printed in bold letters the size labelled "SMALL"</span><br />
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-21248041727655786372014-11-27T18:22:00.000-08:002015-02-23T18:41:34.921-08:00Learn How to Give Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks<br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">~ <i>Mark Twain<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3QutVmVn1lc/VHfMzjsOSbI/AAAAAAAAALo/UaUBa7RkLyE/s1600/The%2BClever%2BComeback%2BKid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3QutVmVn1lc/VHfMzjsOSbI/AAAAAAAAALo/UaUBa7RkLyE/s1600/The%2BClever%2BComeback%2BKid.jpg" height="400" width="291" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My grandson Zac "The comeback kid"</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Some people are endowed with an acerbic tongue that drip with sarcasm. For them, giving clever comebacks or witty insults come naturally.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You might think they are spiteful or want to hurt the feelings of others. But that isn't always the case.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's just that they see the irony of things around them. To a sarcastic mind the affairs of men is nothing short of a tragic-comedy. The world may be a stage but who wants to unknowingly be caught up in the pantomime performance of fools?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Or perhaps they find certain behavior inappropriate in polite conversation and feel the need to rectify the situation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">If you must poke fun for amusement or have the urge to shut up obnoxious people, then there are certain things you must be observant of aside from what they are saying. Take note of how they look, their mannerism or the clothes they wear. Often these will give you clues on how to set them up for your repartee.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><u>The 3 T's to a successful witty insult or clever comeback</u></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Target - Try not to get into an entanglement with people in authority like a police officer who is carrying a gun, your boss who has the ability to fire you or your mother in law who can make your marriage a living hell.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Do not use insulting comebacks in a scatter-gun manner firing indiscriminately. Applied at the wrong time with the wrong person and you might end up not only hurting someone's feeling, but hurting yourself if the person you insulted is capable of beating the living daylights out of you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">So choose your targets wisely.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Timing - It is essential to time your retort or comeback at the right moment to achieve the desired effect. If you wait too long, it loses it's value and may look strange or lame. Also choose your words carefully in order not to give the impression among others in the conversation that you are a bully badmouthing the target out of malice. (Even if that is the reason)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Don't forget to smile before you deliver the punch line. This tell the others you are not serious and avoid turning the banter into a heated argument. Follow the WGL rule; Wink, Grin, or Laugh.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Tact - People don't really like being humiliated in front of others, especially among their peers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Your witty insults and clever comebacks may provide amusement and elicit laughter, but it also leaves a sour and bitter aftertaste with the victim. You might start to notice friends and acquaintance avoiding eye contact with you during social gatherings, or decide they needed to be somewhere else as you approach and enter into their group conversation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The repartee is a finely wrought tool that can either make you the life of the party or a pariah. Temper your witty insults and clever comebacks with moderation.</span></div>
Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-13215174583066450002014-11-21T17:45:00.000-08:002015-02-23T18:50:59.576-08:00Witty Insult and Clever Comeback Against the Devil<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i style="font-weight: normal;">"Tis no sin to cheat the devil" ~ </i><span style="font-weight: normal;">Daniel Defoe</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A mathematician, a physicist and a high school dropout were at the pearly gates of heaven waiting to be allowed entrance. But instead of St.Peter, they were met by the Devil.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Heaven is overcrowded right now and I have been delegated by God to limit those who can enter."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"I will allow you to ask me one question, and you can enter heaven if I cannot answer it" </i>continued the Devil.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The mathematician created a complicated Calculus problem which would have taken a person using a computer days to solve, but the devil only look at it briefly and gave the correct answer. Poof! The mathematician vanish and found himself in Hell.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The physicist was next and he ask for the solution to a quantum physics question which Einstein had never solved. The Devil took a minute to find the answer.<i> "Albert ask me a similar question, why don't you join him."</i> The physicist found his body molecules disintegrating and he was on his way to hell as well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Before I ask my question, I need a stool with seven holes drill into the seat" </i>the high school dropout requested.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Although it was not part of the deal, the Devil was intrigue and with a snap of his fingers the stool appeared.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The dropout then sat on the stool and farted. "Now which hole did my fart go through?" he ask the Devil.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"That's easy"</i> Satan replied without bothering to think, <i>"It pass through all of them."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Wrong...you can go back to hell. I farted through my ASS-HOLE."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Needless to say, the high school dropout entered heaven.</span></div>
<br />Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-36673935524824020612014-11-19T16:37:00.000-08:002015-02-23T19:01:32.299-08:00Using Backhanded Compliments for Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Similar to the comeback is the complisult (compliment + insult)<b>.</b> The correct term is asteism; a genteel manner of deriding another with polite irony. It is commonly known as a backhanded or left handed compliment.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"I'm impress, you're smarter than you look."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"You look good in that dress, have you lost weight?"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"You're a good driver, for a woman."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">However, some people are either simple-minded or dim-witted they fail to discern the contempt and actually believe they are being complimented.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A class buffoon was making a nuisance of himself around a girl who was trying to study for an exam.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"I never study for an exam</i>" he quip.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her retort "<i>Of course you don't need to study, why learn when ignorance is instantaneous.</i>" probably didn't sink into his thick skull.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>The irony wasted on the stupid.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Backhanded compliments can be simple.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Women can get away with "Aren't you sweet...." or end it with "....Bless_ heart."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Well, aren't you sweet, you poor pox riddled tart."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"That Arleen is one fat cow, bless her heart"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You can also wink..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"You're so cute!"</i> (to a fat person)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">12 backhand complements for insulting comebacks</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>1. "You're pretty in an unconventional way."</i> (to a plain looking girl)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>2. "What a beautiful baby! Was it conceived naturally?" </i>( to a proud father)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>3. "You're really pretty in this picture, I didn't recognize you!" </i>(looking at her photo)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>4. "You know, your English is really good." </i>(American to a British living in the U.S.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>5. "Wow, you only weigh that much? Unbelievable!"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>6. "Your diet plan seems to be working...maybe it's because you're wearing baggy clothes"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>7. "I like your new hair style, it makes your nose look smaller."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>8. "You're funny, in the way that you make people laugh at you."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>9. "I make a terrible first impression..."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"Don't worry, it takes a while to get use to you."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>10. "You can be a model. Make-up does wonders."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>11. "Your thin lips are probably the best think about your looks."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>12. "You're really awkward around people, but in an endearing way."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Just be careful not to commit a faux pas, or you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">A man trying to be witty remark to his girlfriend....</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"I don't know why people have sex with prostitutes when there are gorgeous women like you who will do it for free."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He's now her ex-boyfriend. </span></div>
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-51208646203279081002014-11-18T21:13:00.000-08:002015-02-23T19:03:48.815-08:00Witty Insult and Clever Comeback Against an Intellectual Snob<div id="title">
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore</i>" ~ Billy Idol</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"<i>Ah, Ken," he called out "Reverting to type, I suppose?"</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">When his neighbor just wave a friendly greeting, Charles continued, <i>"I always suspected you evolved from some monkey ancestors."</i></span><br />
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-54816758692931979272014-11-18T05:36:00.000-08:002015-02-23T19:18:37.993-08:0020 Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks From Famous People<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Have you ever lost the power of human speech while being assaulted verbally by a loudmouth? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Do you find yourself mumbling unintelligible monosyllabic words, awestruck by the overbearing presence of a prominent person? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Or perhaps suffer in silent agony from the pontifical hooey of an annoying know it all?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>THE BEST ADVICE IS TO STAY CLEAR OF THEM. UNFORTUNATELY THAT'S NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE.</b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Then why not parry the verbal abuse by responding with a quick, clever or humorous riposte?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Comebacks that have the pointed barb of sarcasm cloth in polite term. </span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Like a riposte, a witty repartee parries an opponent's thrust and counterattacks with a conversation stopper. The perfect squelch to the boastfulness of a pompous fool, delivering a direct missile hit to the person's ego with devastating effect.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">To bring about a quick resolution to an unwarranted confrontation, it is not necessary to step down to name calling or use profanity and obscene language. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>You can still insult and express contempt in a tactful and tasteful manner.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">20 Witty Repartee and Brilliant Comebacks from Famous People</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large; text-align: center;">1. "You're a good example of why some animals eat their young" ~ </span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: large;">Jim Samuels</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">2. "You're a parasite for sore eyes" ~ <i>Gregory Ratoff</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">3. "Why are we honoring this man? Have we run out of human beings?" ~ <i>Milton Berle</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">4. "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." ~<i> Irvin S. Cobb</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">5. "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." ~<i> Mark Twain</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">6. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." ~ <i>Stephen Bishop</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">7. "I regard you with an indifference bordering on aversion."~ <i>Robert Louis Stevenson</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">8. "He hasn't an enemy in the world, but all his friends hate him." ~<i> Eddie Cantor</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">9. "Sometimes I need what only you can provide; your absence." ~ <i>Ashleigh Brilliant</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">10. "Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one."<i>(George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill)</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend second - if there is one." (<i>Churchill's reply</i>)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">11. "Fine words! I wonder where you stole them." ~ <i>Jonathan Swift</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">12. "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."~<i>(William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway)</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words" ~ (<i>Ernest Hemingway about William Faulkner)</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">13. "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." ~ <i>Groucho Marx</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">14. "If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee." ( <i>Lady Astor to Winston Churchill)</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"If you were my wife, I'd drink it." <i>(Churchill's reply)</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">15. "You will either die on the gallows or of a loathsome disease." (<i> John Montague to John Wilkes)</i></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">"That depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress." (<i>John Wilkes, in reply)</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">16. "A modest little person, with much to be modest about."~ <i>Winston Churchill</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">17. "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." ~ <i>Forrest Tucker</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">18. "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." ~ <i>Billy Wilder</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">19. "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." ~ <i>Abraham Lincoln</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">20. "You have delighted us long enough" ~ <i>Jane Austen</i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Witty Insults and clever comebacks</span><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">, anyone?</span>Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6985693278192876148.post-42647308309433949062014-11-16T15:24:00.000-08:002015-02-23T19:23:57.214-08:0025 Witty Insults and Clever Comebacks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone and couldn't think of something witty or clever as a rejoinder, so you say something feeble and lame.Maybe even ended up looking pathetic or feeling stupid? Then the next day it pops into your mind, the perfect repartee. "Ohhh...I wish I said that" you tell yourself, but too late.
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It's called the "comeback", The witty repartee that insults with finesse. Another possible term could be the "perfect squelch". So the art could be called "squelchmanship" and the practitioner a "squelcher" :))</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The wit or "squelcher" is the one who laughs best because he always has the last laugh with the cutting comebacks that never fail to leave his victims speechless behind a bright crimson blush. Haven't you ever CRUSHED someone beneath the insulting comeback of your last word? It felt good, didn't it?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">We admire people whose witty repartee could stop a charging bull dead on it's tracks. Their insulting comeback, a sharp riposte dripping with sarcasm that evokes laughter and make the OTHER PERSON look stupid.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Naturally, the perfect wit or "squelcher" is a mythical beast, but all of us have the ability to be insultingly witty. It just need commitment on our part.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Successful use of the repartee or comeback requires a keen perception, a temperate nature not given to emotional outburst, the mental capacity to formulate suitable words and the verbal skills to employ them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">25 WITTY INSULTS AND CLEVER COMEBACKS WE WISH WE MADE OURSELVES</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. "If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">2. "Is it time for your medication" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">3. "I'm not so good with the advice, can I interest you with a sarcastic comment" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">4. "Are those your eyeballs, I found them in my cleavage"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">5. "The trouble with you is that you lack the power of conversation but not the power of speech" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">6. "Nice perfume, must you marinate in it?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">7. "I wish we were better strangers" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">8. "I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">9. "I'll always cherish the original misconception I had about you"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">10. "I see you're still working on your random intelligence" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">11. "It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">12. "Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">13. "You never slow down to think, I guess it's too painful to spend time with your own thoughts"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">14. "I can't believe that out of 10,000 sperm,you were the quickest"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">15. "I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">16. "Not everyone is annoying, some are dead"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">17. "I could have been your dad but the dog beat me over the fence"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">18. "How many times do I have to flush before you go away"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">19. "There's a fine line between house-sitting and breaking into someone's home while they're on vacation and eating all their food"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">20. "With your IQ, I don't think you would understand"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">21. "Other than being disgusting,irritating,stupid and smelly, your actually quite okay"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">22. "Your so funny you make people laugh at you"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">23. "I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">24. "If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">25. "Don't be humble, you're not that great."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">NOTE: keep a collection of as many <b>repartee</b>, modifying them as the circumstance warrant. Then put them into use whenever an opportunity arises. With practice you can become the "wit" in any verbal tussle, instead of being at the end of another person's <b><u>witty insults and clever comebacks.</u></b></span><br />
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Silent Reedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03494909391384949645noreply@blogger.com1